Hi there. You found my blog. Good.
Or not good. Whatever.
I call myself The Cynical Marketer. My real name is… not important. OK, you can probably figure it out if you try hard enough, but you probably have better things to do with your life. But go for it if you want. And good luck getting me to admit it.
I’m an Internet Marketer. I sell stuff on the Internet. I promote other people’s stuff on the Internet. I make 4 figures a month, more than most, not enough to quit my day job because I like my comfortable life.
I smile and say happy, cheerful things in most of my online marketing efforts. But this blog is for the cynical side of me. I know that behind the cheerful smiles and persuasive copy lies a crock full of stuff the southern end of a north-bound cow produces.
Internet Marketing is full of people who sell you what you want. Most of it is worthless when it comes to building a business. People rip you off every day because you don’t want to listen to the truth, and then they use the money they make off you to attend conferences, get drunk, and make outrageous deals so they can rip you off even more. Crack the code and you get to join the club.
But not all marketers are like that. Maybe some day I’ll tell you about an obscure group that prefers to work hard to build a successful business.
That’s right. Internet Marketing is hard work.
Internet Marketing requires long hours of work.
Internet Marketing doesn’t have a “push here for easy money” button.
But if you read the “stuff” this crowd sells long enough, you start to see commonalities. Everybody gives you a little bit of what it takes to really build a business on the Internet but very few give you the whole picture. They have to give you a little bit so you’ll keep coming back, looking for more.
And that’s what I’m going to talk about.
Don’t believe me? That’s your business. If you want to be persuaded, go read some happy-happy sales letter that promises the cure for genital warts if you buy a $7 ebook (OK, the cure is probably sold in the upsell, but hey; you get resell rights with that — rights that you’ll never use to sell even a single copy. In other words, you just paid triple the price for the same product. Smart business move. Wish I had your cash flow…).
And you’re part of the problem too. You’ve bought 100 ebooks from the special offers section of some forum and haven’t found success yet, but you think that maybe Ebook 101 will have the answer. Or maybe Ebook 102. And while you buy, everybody else laughs all the way to the bank to deposit your money because you’re so gullible.
Ain’t gonna be no fancy site. This is basic WordPress. TwentyTwelve theme. Probably isn’t search engine friendly. Whoopee. You want pretty or cute, go look at cat pictures on Facebook (or some of the other stuff; whatever suits your fancy).
And I plan on making money off of you. I’m going to stuff this site full of affiliate links. I’m going to sell you stuff. And I’m going to make money from it. Again, if you don’t like it, go somewhere else where they’ll tell you things that make you feel good while they make and take money off you. Your choice.
And I’m going to build a mailing list. My goal is to keep you off it. I’m not going to be rude, but I will tell why stuff sucks and you shouldn’t buy it. I’m going to tell you how you get manipulated 9 ways to Sunday by sales copy that crosses the line from persuasion to manipulation.
And if you want to talk to me, the only way to do it is to sign up for the list and hit “reply” to the latest email I sent. I want to talk to you but I’m not going to set up a contact form, help desk, and all that nonsense. You want to talk to me, you get on my list first and hit “reply” to my latest email. If you can’t follow those instructions, I’ll delete your email because you’re too “whatever” to follow simple instructions.
Oh, and I’ll set up the list when I’m good and ready. And I’m not ready yet. You’ll know when I’m ready because a sign-up box will appear somewhere on the site.
And if you stick around, learn, and prove to me you’re not some wanna-be crybaby marketer, I might even tell you who I really am. But you’ll first have to sign up for a recurring membership site that I’ll recommend to you. Don’t worry; you’ll be ready for it by then if you visit this blog regularly, sign up for my email list (once I get around to creating it), and agree with what I write about here, for the most part.
And I need paying customers to pay my bills, so don’t count on being “friends”. I can be very friendly but that doesn’t mean we’re friends. My friends are willing to watch my kids for free and I trust them enough to watch them. Get the message?
Enough for now. Time to put on my happy face and go do some work.